Emmy: My hands are either in chocolate or in the sink, there is no time for me to grab the booty.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING
My friend used to bring over one of her friends from elementary school, he was pretty cool but he was kind of a pervert. One time he was at my house and I yawned, cause why the fuck not, and he looked at me and said “woah man, you have a huge mouth” and I asked him what he was implying and he winked at me. I don’t let him in the house anymore.
Emmy: What if your uterus started screaming as soon as you were pregnant?
Like all the sudden you hear "MMMMMMMMM"
OH SHIT
What if it happens when you're in bed with a guy
"MMMMMMMMM'
GET OFF ME
My sister is aggressively making dog noises at my dog to the point where she’s making herself laugh.
One time my friend and I were going to an event at a church, and I mentioned that my family is “non-practicing Catholics” which means we were technically Catholics but we don’t practice. Then my friend’s dad said Catholic and Christian and Protestant were the same things, and my friend and her dad…
I’m gonna do Shakespeare in the driveway.
To be or not to be, shut the car door,
Said the hobbits going to Mordor,
Or the Box with the Tardis blue door,
Qwoth the raven, nevermore
To be or not to be, shut the car door,
Said the hobbits going to Mordor,
Or the Box with the Tardis blue door,
Qwoth the raven, nevermore
“
| — | Me after driving my mom and my sister home at 1 in the morning. (via emilycherner) |
